Jokes

Man to dog trainer: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes into the corner." Dog trainer: "That's OK, he is a Boxer."
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A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning." Her husband replies, "Well, lots of dogs can do that." The wife responded, "But we've never subscribed to any!"
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Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America , we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one.
The vendor is too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil, and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to un-wrap their 'dogs'. The mother superior begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part... did you get...?"

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During break time at obedience school, two dogs were talking. One said to the other..."The thing I hate about obedience school is you learn ALL this stuff you will never use in the real world."

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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says "My dog is cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" The vet says, "Well, let's have a look at him." So the vet picks the dog up while examining his eyes. Finally he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Just because he is cross-eyed?" "No, because he is really, really heavy."

how to stop a puppy biting you

The following is the best ways we found on how to stop a puppy biting you.
1- When your adorable puppy bites or nips you make a loud "yelp" like it really hurt and stare at the puppy. This will make your little angel think it has hurt you and it should stop. If not then leave the room and return in a few minutes. It will quickly learn it needs to control its behaviour.
2- Find some buddies for your puppy if at all possible. This is extremely effective. If you can, let your puppy play with other puppies or dogs. The little monkey will soon learn the sociable rules of doggie etiquette when exposed to others. It will quickly learn what is and what is not allowed. It will very quickly learn when to control its behaviour.
3- Toys. Make sure the cute little monster has plenty of toys. This will let him/her take out all the teething and chewing on a slightly more inanimate object. This can also tie in with number 1. After performing the "yelp" you can give the puppy a toy instead to play with. We found it best not to encourage tug of war type games as this just heightens your puppies aggression and will not help with its training.
4- Something foul tasting. Put something that the puppy will not like the taste of on your hands. We found garlic worked very well but you may need to try something different. There are any number of concoctions you can try. Free or specific products are available if you like.
A tired puppy makes for a happy owner. The same goes for adult dogs. Puppies have an awful lot of pent up energy just waiting to explode! You need to be careful if you have a very young puppy as there are many claims that to much exercise can lead to problems in later life. We were careful not to walk our young pup very much until she decided to come on her own and we gradually built up the time of walks over quite a long period. What we did do however is let her outside to play as often as possible. This way the young tear away will run around and play on its own and will stop when its natural instincts tell it to. This really was a great way to get away from those razor teeth and let the pup do what comes naturally.
5- If number 1 doesn't work then we found this tip very useful. GROWL! If you’re darling bite monster doesn't respond to a "yelp" when it bites you or respond to you "yelping" and leaving the room then growl at it. We found this very successful. You are acting like a more dominant dog or what its Mother would have done. What works best will depend on the temperament of your little cutie.
6- Now for the one tip that worked the best above all else but will not be for everyone. Get another dog! This was without doubt the complete overnight success we dreamed of. We knew that we wanted at least two dogs and a month or so after we got Faye we went to a rescue pound and got our very shy Daisy girl. She was so timid with us and very undernourished. However this did not stop her giving as good as she got with Faye. They would play, jump, bite, roll for hours with each other. I can honestly say that Faye stopped biting and nipping at us the day we brought Daisy home. That was it. She had a better pal to bite and they have been great buddies ever since.